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So you're a college student with a few spare minutes? Take a quick look of what you could do with that time.
Showing posts with label stealth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stealth. Show all posts
Stealth Drinking Part 3 - Hide Your Flask
Holy cow, you still need more ways to drink stealthily? You might actually have a few problems. Fortunately, we could care less about your problems and instead we are going to focus on drinking. Let's get to work.
Today's Stealth Drinking post is a how-to on making a secret flask book. It is shown in movies, comics, and cartoons constantly ("No wonder they call it the good book" - Homer Simpson drinking from a flask hidden in a bible). You might have thought they were clever and that it takes a God-blessed genius to craft one. Well, you are a God-blessed simpleton to think so. Do you have a few minutes? Sure you do, you're on the internet.
1) Get a big book. You will need at least 300 pages (1" of paper). Find a big book on clearance at your library for $.50 and be done with it. I found an old Ozzy Osbourne biography book that was not getting any attention.
2) Glue the pages together on the outside. I used rubber cement, as the brush strokes leave the edges clean. You could theoretically use any regular white glue, but why man? Rubber cement keeps the pages bendy while holding them together!
3) Put your flask on the book and outline it. Then start cutting away. I used a regular utility knife without a straightedge. It shows. If you want a pro-looking book, use a straightedge on every cut. Keep cutting out pages until your flask fits in the crevice and the book closes properly.
4) Sand out the inside. You took the time to make it, you might as well make it look decent. All those tattered, cut hang-nails look terrible. If you tried to impress me with that shoddy work, I would laugh in your face and ask your sister if she's doing anyone anything tomorrow night.
5) Apply a layer of glue inside the book along the cut edges. This will keep the pages intact even more and make the overall product bearable to view. You know what? Apply a couple layers. These things tend to fall apart. Do it.
Last tips: Choose an uninteresting book to desecrate. If you have a strong hatred towards an old textbook, go for it! Won't it feel awesome tearing out those pages and then hiding your booze from anyone with a conscience?
If you have a small bar area setup in your place, find an appropriate looking book to stand next to those bottles. It will class-up the place and you will appear more knowledgeable, because we all hate those book-smart, history-buff bar crawlers always trying to one-up your wits.
Stealth Drinking Part 2 - At the Public Beach
(continued from here) It's that time again, time to be social in public. It is great that you finally get to hit the beach, but oh how the people you are going with are uninteresting. They're the ones who always bring too many chairs, blankets, parasols, and water bottles. The kind of folks you're surprised are able to leave the house knowing they will be unable to bring the entire pantry or the family Wii. Well, luckily for you, you do not have to bear it sober, again.
Most beaches you will find are not alcohol-friendly. Some beaches have ATV-riding lifeguards specifically patrolling for alcohol consumption. If you bring a cooler thinking you can at least have a few cold ones while the rest of your group small talks about their menial problems at the office, think again. You'll probably end up sober, ticketed, and escorted off the beach. With that in mind, here's what you have to do...
1) Pack lightly if you're planning on bringing beer specifically. You'll need all the room you can get, plus you don't want to look like a tool with thirty bottles of sunscreen, do you?
2) Figure out which liquor to bring: beer, wine, or distilled beverages. This will determine how you will hide said beverage. The harder the liquor, the easier it will be.
3) Do not pass off your supplies with someone else. It's much easier to get caught if you have to ask a buddy to pass you your "stealthed" alcohol beverage instead of you having it within arm's reach. You will be safer if you undertake this task alone.
Weapon of Choice - Again, this post is not just to tell you to bring a brown paper bag for your liquor. You are reading this because you want something less conspicuous. In general, you want to use only items commonly found at the beach.We have a few suggestions tried and tested.
Weapon of Choice - Again, this post is not just to tell you to bring a brown paper bag for your liquor. You are reading this because you want something less conspicuous. In general, you want to use only items commonly found at the beach.We have a few suggestions tried and tested.1) Sunblock bottle - My personal favorite. Good size bottles hold 6 - 10 oz. Since one shot is usually 1.5 oz, that means a sunblock bottle hold between 4 - 6 shots, enough for a fun time. It is probably the most commonly brought item too, making it one of the most inconspicuous options. Just wash it out, fill it up with a plunger or non-needle syringe (think ear or nose cleaning), and cap it off. Store it next to your sammiches.
2) Soda can - Yes, the common soda can works once again. Soda is a highly trafficked item at the beach and you would not seem out of place for drinking out of one. For better measure, dig a small hole for your can to be parked in while you are away or if someone notices you drinking massive amounts of "soda."
3) Contact lens solution bottle - It is becoming more common to see people with contacts bring their solution. This is especially useful for waterparks where you cannot bring label-less sports bottles through customs. Use this to your advantage. Most regular size solution bottles are 10 oz and over. This means a solution bottle holds 2 - 3 glasses of wine, you classy connoisseur. Save a Riesling for us, ya hear?
4) Camelback - To finish up, we also suggest using a CamelBak or the equivalent off-brand for storing larger quantities ofalcoholic beverages beer. Each pack holds 1 - 3 L, thus making CamelBack an option for beer or wine. You will have to use a cooling pack or ice because it only holds its temperature for an hour or so. It is marketed to fight dehydration, so who's to question your constant sipping? No one, that's who.
Proper Etiquette - By handling yourself in just the right way, you can take an “illegal” and “socially unacceptable” act and come out a classy jerk, drinking chardonnay in everybody's face without anyone having the slightest clue as to what you're up to.
1) Hold your alcohol - Getting visibly smashed is the easiest way to give yourself up. Know your limits and you can have a good time while maintaining the guise of soberness.
2) Don't brag - This one is very important. If you are constantly telling stories about your conquests, people will know your techniques and see right through your future attempts. Plus, you know there are haters out there and they will actively try to get you caught, so be safe and cover your bases. Try to live like the masked superhero. People know you're out there and your friends all tell stories of your legend but you never reveal yourself. Thus you live to drink another day.
2) Soda can - Yes, the common soda can works once again. Soda is a highly trafficked item at the beach and you would not seem out of place for drinking out of one. For better measure, dig a small hole for your can to be parked in while you are away or if someone notices you drinking massive amounts of "soda."
3) Contact lens solution bottle - It is becoming more common to see people with contacts bring their solution. This is especially useful for waterparks where you cannot bring label-less sports bottles through customs. Use this to your advantage. Most regular size solution bottles are 10 oz and over. This means a solution bottle holds 2 - 3 glasses of wine, you classy connoisseur. Save a Riesling for us, ya hear?
4) Camelback - To finish up, we also suggest using a CamelBak or the equivalent off-brand for storing larger quantities of
Proper Etiquette - By handling yourself in just the right way, you can take an “illegal” and “socially unacceptable” act and come out a classy jerk, drinking chardonnay in everybody's face without anyone having the slightest clue as to what you're up to.
1) Hold your alcohol - Getting visibly smashed is the easiest way to give yourself up. Know your limits and you can have a good time while maintaining the guise of soberness.
2) Don't brag - This one is very important. If you are constantly telling stories about your conquests, people will know your techniques and see right through your future attempts. Plus, you know there are haters out there and they will actively try to get you caught, so be safe and cover your bases. Try to live like the masked superhero. People know you're out there and your friends all tell stories of your legend but you never reveal yourself. Thus you live to drink another day.
Getting Drunk in Public And The Art of Stealth Drinking
I'm here to teach you how to effectively get drunk outdoors and in front of people without anyone being the wiser. Now you might be saying to yourself, “But MJ, I know how to drink alcohol in public, I do it all the time.” Well let me stop you right there. Anybody can throw vodka and Capri Sun into a water bottle and walk outside but you're not fooling anybody when you wince after every sip and your “Crystal Light” smells like liquor. And let's be honest, you wouldn't drink like that in the comfort of your own home so why should you have to subject yourself to that kind of desperate behavior as you enjoy a midday stroll through your local park or college campus? By utilizing the following key stealth drinking tips, you won't have to.
Weapon of Choice - Now the point of this workshop isn't to simply get you outdoors and into crowds with a brown paper bag over your bottle of Jack. Millions of people do that everyday. The goal is to to have a good amount of alcohol without anyone around you realizing or questioning your behavior. The first step is choosing what you will drink out of. Your “booze-vessel”, as it were, is they key to your successful public intoxication.
1) Classic Water Bottle - Classic water bottle is classic, but that is exactly why it shouldn't be your first choice. Everybody knows that people fill water bottles up with mixed drinks or straight up liquor. Using one of these could be troublesome and may raise suspicions.
2) Flask - Now while I will admit the professional drinker is never without his flask, this will not serve well for our purposes. The flask is a less than inconspicuous tool for public drinking. As you cover your face with your jacket pocket to take a shot, people may mistake you for their dirt bag, alcoholic uncle or someone that owes them money. People WILL know that you are drinking unless you duck into alleyways or public restrooms to drink. Movie theaters, however, are made for flask users.
The Juice is Loose- Now that you know what you're drinking from it time to fill it up. That's right, the next key decision a you prepare for greatness is what you will drink.
1) Beer - Now unless you're going out by yourself for a quick, after work pickmeup, beer wont be a good choice. People will start to ask questions as you're toting around an already opened 6-pack of "Slice."
2) Liquor - If you prefer a mixed drink, as many of us do, be my guest. However, be aware that the smell of alcohol may give you away. More importantly, try to avoid filling your can up with straight liquor. While this will get the job done in a timely fashion, carrying around a soda can full of tequila may get you noticed fast if you are not careful. Not to mention your friends might set up an uncomfortable intervention upon finding you out. Plus, why would chose tequila? There are better alternatives.
3) Wine - Yes, wine. The best of both worlds. A twelve ounce can will hold three glasses of wine so two of these babies will get you where you need to be, if not very close. Ever wanted to enjoy that 200 year old bottle of French chardonnay but you never found your apartment to be quite the right environment? Well here's your chance! Protip- don't use red wine. Stained teeth are a dead giveaway and have been the downfall of many amateur wine ninjas.
Proper Etiquette - By handling yourself in just the right way, you can take an “illegal” and “socially unacceptable” act and come out a classy jerk, drinking chardonnay in everybody's face without anyone having the slightest clue as to what you're up to.
1) Hold your alcohol - Getting visibly smashed is the easiest way to give yourself up. Know your limits and you can have a good time while maintaining the guise of soberness.
2) Don't brag - This one is very important. If you are constantly telling stories about your conquests, people will know your techniques and see right through your future attempts. Plus, you know there are haters out there and they will actively try to get you caught, so be safe and cover your bases. Try to live like the masked superhero. People know you're out there and your friends all tell stories of your legend but you never reveal yourself. Thus you live to drink another day.
Now you know all you need to to become a master stealth drinker. Use this knowledge for good only. If you use your new found abilities for evil you may soon find yourself passed out alone in a gutter wondering where your life went. So be smooth, be smart, and good hunting.
Stealth Drinking Part 2
