(continued from here) It's that time again, time to be social in public. It is great that you finally get to hit the beach, but oh how the people you are going with are uninteresting. They're the ones who always bring too many chairs, blankets, parasols, and water bottles. The kind of folks you're surprised are able to leave the house knowing they will be unable to bring the entire pantry or the family Wii. Well, luckily for you, you do not have to bear it sober, again.

Most beaches you will find are not alcohol-friendly. Some beaches have ATV-riding lifeguards specifically patrolling for alcohol consumption. If you bring a cooler thinking you can at least have a few cold ones while the rest of your group small talks about their menial problems at the office, think again. You'll probably end up sober, ticketed, and escorted off the beach. With that in mind, here's what you have to do...

1) Pack lightly if you're planning on bringing beer specifically. You'll need all the room you can get, plus you don't want to look like a tool with thirty bottles of sunscreen, do you?

2) Figure out which liquor to bring: beer, wine, or distilled beverages. This will determine how you will hide said beverage. The harder the liquor, the easier it will be.

3) Do not pass off your supplies with someone else. It's much easier to get caught if you have to ask a buddy to pass you your "stealthed" alcohol beverage instead of you having it within arm's reach. You will be safer if you undertake this task alone.

Weapon of Choice - Again, this post is not just to tell you to bring a brown paper bag for your liquor. You are reading this because you want something less conspicuous. In general, you want to use only items commonly found at the beach.We have a few suggestions tried and tested.

1) Sunblock bottle - My personal favorite. Good size bottles hold 6 - 10 oz. Since one shot is usually 1.5 oz, that means a sunblock bottle hold between 4 - 6 shots, enough for a fun time. It is probably the most commonly brought item too, making it one of the most inconspicuous options. Just wash it out, fill it up with a plunger or non-needle syringe (think ear or nose cleaning), and cap it off. Store it next to your sammiches.

2) Soda can - Yes, the common soda can works once again. Soda is a highly trafficked item at the beach and you would not seem out of place for drinking out of one. For better measure, dig a small hole for your can to be parked in while you are away or if someone notices you drinking massive amounts of "soda."

3) Contact lens solution bottle - It is becoming more common to see people with contacts bring their solution. This is especially useful for waterparks where you cannot bring label-less sports bottles through customs. Use this to your advantage. Most regular size solution bottles are 10 oz and over. This means a solution bottle holds 2 - 3 glasses of wine, you classy connoisseur. Save a Riesling for us, ya hear?

4) Camelback - To finish up, we also suggest using a CamelBak or the equivalent off-brand for storing larger quantities of alcoholic beverages beer. Each pack holds 1 - 3 L, thus making CamelBack an option for beer or wine. You will have to use a cooling pack or ice because it only holds its temperature for an hour or so. It is marketed to fight dehydration, so who's to question your constant sipping? No one, that's who.

Proper Etiquette - By handling yourself in just the right way, you can take an “illegal” and “socially unacceptable” act and come out a classy jerk, drinking chardonnay in everybody's face without anyone having the slightest clue as to what you're up to.

1) Hold your alcohol - Getting visibly smashed is the easiest way to give yourself up. Know your limits and you can have a good time while maintaining the guise of soberness.

2) Don't brag - This one is very important. If you are constantly telling stories about your conquests, people will know your techniques and see right through your future attempts. Plus, you know there are haters out there and they will actively try to get you caught, so be safe and cover your bases. Try to live like the masked superhero. People know you're out there and your friends all tell stories of your legend but you never reveal yourself. Thus you live to drink another day.

Now go young ones, drink and be merry. Master your stealth drinking abilities to their fullest. Point and laugh (mentally of course) at boring couples or families, knowing they could be having a great time if they were not as prudent. Be smooth and smart,  for knowledge is man's most precious treasure.