Draw Something - A Charcoal Turkey

As Thanksgiving approaches (it is only 4.5 months away), we are once again reminded of the majestic, almost-national-bird, the turkey. As usual in college, I had some downtime and decided to forever memorialize the flightless bird in charcoal. It took a few tries to get the head and feathers decent enough to allow recognition, but it could still use a bit of work.

Meh, it's not terrible for a half-hour's work I'd wager. I think it's clearly recognizable as a turkey, even if the feathers and feet say differently. Oh, so you think you're better than me? Well bring it buster, it's on. I'll see your rendering with my expert shading and light-accents. Pfft, you call that a rendering?

Stealth Drinking Part 3 - Hide Your Flask

Holy cow, you still need more ways to drink stealthily? You might actually have a few problems. Fortunately, we could care less about your problems and instead we are going to focus on drinking. Let's get to work.

Today's Stealth Drinking post is a how-to on making a secret flask book. It is shown in movies, comics, and cartoons constantly ("No wonder they call it the good book" - Homer Simpson drinking from a flask hidden in a bible). You might have thought they were clever and that it takes a God-blessed genius to craft one. Well, you are a God-blessed simpleton to think so. Do you have a few minutes? Sure you do, you're on the internet.

1) Get a big book. You will need at least 300 pages (1" of paper). Find a big book on clearance at your library for $.50 and be done with it. I found an old Ozzy Osbourne biography book that was not getting any attention.

2) Glue the pages together on the outside. I used rubber cement, as the brush strokes leave the edges clean. You could theoretically use any regular white glue, but why man? Rubber cement keeps the pages bendy while holding them together!

3) Put your flask on the book and outline it. Then start cutting away. I used a regular utility knife without a straightedge. It shows. If you want a pro-looking book, use a straightedge on every cut. Keep cutting out pages until your flask fits in the crevice and the book closes properly.

4) Sand out the inside. You took the time to make it, you might as well make it look decent. All those tattered, cut hang-nails look terrible. If you tried to impress me with that shoddy work, I would laugh in your face and ask your sister if she's doing anyone anything tomorrow night.

5) Apply a layer of glue inside the book along the cut edges. This will keep the pages intact even more and make the overall product bearable to view. You know what? Apply a couple layers. These things tend to fall apart. Do it.

Last tips: Choose an uninteresting book to desecrate. If you have a strong hatred towards an old textbook, go for it! Won't it feel awesome tearing out those pages and then hiding your booze from anyone with a conscience? 

If you have a small bar area setup in your place, find an appropriate looking book to stand next to those bottles. It will class-up the place and you will appear more knowledgeable, because we all hate those book-smart, history-buff bar crawlers always trying to one-up your wits.

Good luck and be smart with your stealth drinking. We know you are out there, but no one else has to. Keep it that way.

Check out our other Stealth Drinking posts Part 1 and Part 2.

The Top 5: N64 Games

To celebrate the birth of America, we here at CDT have decided to honor our great country by showcasing 3 of its greatest inventions; Video Games, Top 5 Lists, and Combinations in CDT's TOP 5 N64 GAMES OF ALL TIME! While searching for my lost vhs copy of one of the greatest and most historically accurate movies ever, “1776”, I unearthed my old Nintendo 64 system which inspired me to dictate this piece of holy listdom.

5. POKEMON SNAP- Awwwww snap! This little known gem is a first person shooter photography game where you are commissioned by Prof. Oak to get pics of a bunch of different Pokemon as you ride around Jurassic Park style tracks on “Pokemon Island.” Never before has taking fake pictures of fake animals been so much fun. It's uncertain what kind of Pavlovian hypnotism makes this game so rewarding to play but in the end its just plain addicting.

4. TONY HAWK”S PRO SKATER- Back in 2000 when skateboarding hit its peak this game came out for N64 and exploded. Everything about this game was phenomenal. It's gameplay, graphics, and set of levels combined to take away countless hours of my life, possibly preventing me from actually learning how to skateboard. I wouldn't have it any other way. Whether you are wrecking shit in a competition in a Chicago skatepark or flying through shiny floating letters and dodging cars in downtown Minneapolis this game will keep you playing till the sun come up. 

3. SUPER SMASH BROS.- Just an awesome concept that came together for an even better game. You can finally put those questions, as to which characters from the N64 universe would win in a fight, to rest. It is really the multiplayer mode that lands this game on our #3 spot. While it will possibly take you a whopping 10 minutes to beat the single player mode, this is an awesome party game. There is nothing better than getting super smashed with your bros and playing Super Smash Bros. 

2. SUPER MARIO KART- It was hard not to put this in the #1 spot considering my affinity for racing games, its outstanding single and multiplayer modes, and the awesome uniqueness that comes from firing turtle shells out of a GoKart. Another great party game, this never gets old whether you're with friends or by yourself. This game isn't lacking in tracks, modes, character, or challenge. True Story: While driving the other day I saw a banana peel in the middle of the road and desperately swerved to avoid it. Moral: This game is the tits.

1. SUPER MARIO 64- What can one say about one of the greatest games from one of the greatest game franchises in gaming history. Needless to say this game has game up the game-hole. However what really puts Super Mario 64 at our #1 spot is the fact that it contains exactly 1 dick-ton of levels. Mario 64 will take you on an shitsplitting adventure through any and every kind of level imaginable. You swim through sunken ships, navigate desert pyramids, trek through haunted houses, and venture into worlds of lava and ice. This really is a well rounded, challenging, and rewarding game to play. An instant and all-time classic.

End Notes: You might be saying, “but but wheres my Goldeneye, my Perfect Dark, my Legend of Zelda?!” Consider this your honorable mention. There are no revisions done to the CDT top 5 lists. For this and all future lists, CDT decree'th THE LIST IS SACRED, 'TIS WRITTEN IN STONE. And as to any disagreement I offer these words from our great founding father, Benjamin Franklin. “One must thusly examine himself to prevent the dismantling of himself.” Happy Independence Day!

Become an Ordained Minister - For Free!

You remember the big 2000-era hype of eChurches? Well they are still around and just as legitimate as ever. Today's post will teach you how to become an actual, legitimately ordained minister, pastor, or priest. It only takes a couple minutes and could possibly be an extra source of income, depending on how far you want to go with it.

1) Head over to The MonasteryAmerican Fellowship Church, or Spiritual Humanism and click Free Online Ordination. These are the ones I found are free.

2) Look over the statement (pfft, ha!) and click Begin!

3) You have to fill in your basic signing-up form information and the submit.

4) Look for your confirmation email and print it out. I keep mine taped to the mirror, to remind myself I can become anything I put my mind to.

After doing all that, they have reminders for you. Typical items like their mission statement, tenets, wedding ceremony info, and even your very own HTML code to put onto your site! Unfortunately, if you really want to become a licensed wedding-making-person, you will have to have a physical token that shows you are ordained. Their wallet-sized ordination card fits in your wallet and is enough proof for most licensing applications. Plus, you can whip it out any time "by the power invested in me..." jokes are relevant. Choose your joke timings carefully as it could become predictable. Learn how to lead into the joke slyly to show off your ordination certificate.

You will have to look up your state's wedding license requirements if you want to keep going with this program. We at College DownTime have it fairly easy in Nevada. Our state's law only asks us to be ordained, be 18+, and pay a $50 license fee! Some states are much harder and expensive, so good luck y'all.